July.. itz coming to an end.. and i am dying still.. oredi? hrm...

I din noe i can come across as fierce. I din noe i can make ppl cry .. I oso din noe that i can scold n act v fierce and yet they can fight and scream under my nose. I dunno wads happening.. wads happening to mi.. to mysef..to I... wads my identity? Why am i doing things that i dun like to? Why am I defying my own wishes, ideals and giving up my ambitions? Why am i downgrading mysef to babytok and babysit those rascals in sch?

One realli doesnt noe the real thing until u see it.. i din noe that students can steal their own mother's money .. 600 bucks!? and they used it in a day..and pushed the blame to other ppl.. i din noe sutdents can hv no money to pay sch fees and owe the sch so much monEy... I din noe students can tok back at teacdhers and defy them lidat... I din noe sch is such a hostile envt to work in..the stress is like 10 times more den that in an office..and thats piled on top of the politics dats present as well.. sigh-y...

I juz need to endure  2-3 yrs..i hope.. climbing it up is not my cup of tea..i juz wanna get over this horrifying period and get on wif being mysef, again. Sigh-y

A week has passed. Finally. A week of roller coaster ride.. from thinking i have to start on Thurs to starting right on Mon, taking over a form class so suddenly, having to teach things i do not know at all (pe and music!?), and having to teach some EM3 potential and so very weak students. Life is indeed juz so so tough. On top of that suddenly piled non-stop meetings, tihs and that committees, CCA, reps etc.. i juz so cant take it animore..

Holidaes..i slack and cried out of boredom. And now, i am crying out of anxiety and stress. Where's the balance? Therez juz this much i can do.. i am juz yes a grad wif honors but so what? I realli think i am out of place..waking up at 530 when everyone at home is asleep.. returning home at 7 in the evening to see no one.. and sleeping at 10 to miss everyone else who has juz returned. I cant bring mysef to go out wif frens juz coz itz so so tiring.. and my tuition kids.. what are they gonna do. Sigh-y. Life is juz ... so boring?!!??!..and not juz boring..itz juz too challenging for mi.. why bully mi lidat.

No one to confide in no one to tok to no one to console mi.. juz words to laff at mi saying itz a fortunate thing they din study so much. ha. Thanx huh. Who's a fren at work who's not. Sigh.

I have so much to do. ANd my brain is juz so tiny. I have so much to do and the hours are juz so short. I have so much to do and yet i really need to sleep. I haven had lunch for 5 daes oredi.. not to mention onli a biscuit for breakfast. Gosh. What am i doing to mysef . I should have juz paid my uni fees...sigh